A couple of years ago a friend asked me what it took to have a fulfilling marriage. I remember responding with “the willingness of both partners to show up and do the work.” While willingness to do the work is still at the top of my list, I have a different perspective now. After three years of dating, 18 years of marriage (one of which we were separated for), a lot of personal growth, and a pretty epic journey evolving together, my lens has shifted. Healthy and loving partnership does not have to equal boring, and simply “doing the work” is not enough anymore. We can aim higher. We have one life and our partnership choices are pretty damn important.
Here are some of the things working for us right now (co-created with my partner):
♥️ Openness - open minded to new ways of doing all the things we do
♥️ More autonomy & independence - we choose to be partnered AND I am not you / you are not me
♥️ Willingness to grow & evolve & space to allow the other to do so as well
♥️ Remembering our marriage is separate from our individual roles in our extended families
♥️ More lightness & flirting
♥️ Radical honesty
♥️ More space & time alone
♥️ More laughter…always
♥️ Safe space to express desires
♥️ More connected sex & exploration
♥️ More vulnerability
♥️ Less striving = more joy
♥️ Careers that light up our souls
♥️ Quality connection over quantity of time together
♥️ Own our own bullshit / less projecting
♥️ Continuing to do our own individual personal growth work & support each other's healing and growth
♥️ Constant effort to keep our own sides of the street clean
♥️ Deeper listening
♥️ More quiet & stillness
♥️ Saying “I love you” less frequently & with more intention - no more autopilot
♥️ Equally sharing the mundane tasks of managing a home
♥️ Being a united front as parents, even if we disagree
♥️ Continuing our strong team approach raising children
♥️ More time in nature
♥️ Allowing each other space to feel a full spectrum of emotions at any given time while knowing we may not understand the emotion from the other
♥️ Agreement to stop making it about ourselves as it usually isn’t anyways
♥️ More travel, both individually & together
♥️ More showing up for the world outside our bubble
♥️ More healthy boundaries in all the ways
♥️ More hobbies bringing us joy & exhilaration outside of each other
♥️ Support for each other as we pursue our individual passion projects
♥️ Only saying yes to who & what bring us joy & fulfillment
♥️ Lean in to give & receive a hug especially when we feel the least lovable
♥️ Willingness to hit pause & take big space when needed
♥️ I’ve got this. You’ve got this. We’ve got this.
XX,
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